John Gray is one of the best-selling authors of all time. His multiple Mars/Venus books explore marriage, singlehood, sexuality, parenthood, the workplace - pretty much all of life from the perspective of traditional - and biological - gender imperatives.
As a writer, he is prolific; as a speaker, full of joyous fire. And like anyone with an opinion on gender relations, he attracts controversy like Magneto in a dagger factory.
He joined us fresh off the plane from a lecture in Ireland where a joke he told from the stage caused, he reported, women to literally run out of the room “You can’t talk about gender differences in Europe either,” he says. “It’s worse than here.”
Gray firmly considers himself a feminist in that he applauds and supports women’s rights and their desire to achieve success in the marketplace. However, as with all victories, he reminded us, there is a cost.
So many women have developed their masculine, sacrificing time and energy to become executives, but in doing so, they often miss out on a different kind of pleasure - the home and hearth kind. And when he emphasizes the importance of intimacy and family in public arenas, they often get triggered.
And sometimes, apparently, run out of the room.
Watch John Gray at METAL
Increasingly over the last few years, Gray’s work has focused on the determinative power of hormones, both
for men and for women.
Women, he says, are designed to have 10x the estrogen levels of men. Estrogen flows not when a woman gets a promotion or closes a deal, but rather from regular sexual activity, emotional intimacy and bonding, lowered stress, physical and emotional safety, and physical affection and touch.
In other words, the very things one does not get at the office. His claim: women don’t feel loving if their estrogen is low. “Estrogen allows one to depend on the other for fulfillment,” whereas testosterone hammers through “ “I have to do it myself.”
When a woman’s estrogen drops and testosterone rises, she naturally asks “What do I need a man for?” His advice to men – do all the things that raise your woman’s estrogen. It’s good both for her heart and your shared bedroom.
Beyond touch, bonding, and safety, Gray emphasized the importance of “allowing” women to be emotional. If you want her to feel into her feminine and if you want her to be sexual, you “have to be cool with her emotionality. Just receive it. Don’t counter it.” Don't try to fix it, quell it, or run away.
If they are upset, don’t attempt to reason with them. All a man needs to do in a heated emotional moment is to offer an open heart and open ears.
The magic words?“Help me understand. I hear you. Tell me more.”Gray says that If people want to argue with this kind of advice, fine. bring it on. He understands. Tell him more.
Your 3 Key Takeaways:
#1: Men and women have different hormonal histories and compositions. If you want to serve love, work with that reality. And be prepared to freak some people out.
#2: There is a cost to women claiming masculine-type power in the workplace but it can be worked with to create a full life that includes love and intimacy.
#3. Make room for a woman’s emotionality peacefully, with an open heart and more loving patience than you probably realize you have!
Today's email was brought to you by Adam Gilad.
